The Power of Connection
When I'm not mediating cases, I mentor college students. Over the years, I’ve noticed that the greatest challenge facing their generation is not a lack of knowledge. Information is everywhere, answers are available instantly, and technology makes it easier than ever to stay connected.
I believe the real challenge of this generation is knowing how to apply their knowledge to relationships.
In many ways, information has replaced wisdom. Phones help us talk or text, but real conversations remain elusive. What was once a meet-up or a phone call has now become a few typed phrases followed by an emoji that does most of the heavy lifting.
Recently, a student told me she was feeling intensely lonely. Even though she had many acquaintances, she had no real friends. I asked whether she and her friends ever discussed their hopes, fears, or personal struggles when they hung out together.
Based on her questioning look, I gathered they did not. I understood why she felt detached as the very topics that would have brought genuine closeness were largely absent in their conversations.
I personally experienced the strength of relationships just last week during a dinner reunion with close college friends. I was struck by the ease of our connection. Despite years apart, we spent hours laughing, sharing, and discussing life's deeper questions. Our bonds sparked to life instantly, stoked by the fires of intentional conversation.
The same principle applies in mediation. Successful mediations require thoughtful discussions that address the core needs of its participants. You may not understand your client fully, but your shared human experience is a powerful tool to reveal their needs and meet their goals.
With these thoughts in mind, here are some ways to connect better with your client before mediation:
Learn your client’s story. Each time you meet, get to know a little more about their background, how they came into the job, and what their lives are like outside of work. Understanding their perspectives, values, hopes and fears, will help you generate options that meet their goals.
Share something meaningful about yourself and the mediation process. Connection is a two-way street. Your client is relying on your experience, knowledge and judgment to help them resolve the case. Do you have an anecdote or a life lesson that reveals your personality and approach to negotiating settlements? Your authenticity will help establish their trust, especially during stressful times in mediation.
Help the mediator connect with your client. What is something relatable about your client that you can share with the mediator to provide a more accurate picture of your client’s needs and goals?
The power to engage clients in real conversations can enable others to understand them as well. And when genuine bonds develop, you may be pleasantly surprised by the fruitful results that follow.
