What’s In The Wait?
This week I took my dad to the clinic for some routine tests. We waited to get a parking space, then waited in line to provide lab samples. The wait at the lab took so long that we rushed upstairs only to wait to be checked in to see his doctor, and then we waited in the waiting room to be seen. Now, we await test results.
I think our culture dislikes waiting. To many, waiting evokes feelings of waste, uncertainty, boredom, and meaninglessness. Time should be filled with activity, events, billable work and productivity. It's hard to visualize progress that requires one conversation at a time over the course of hours, days or even months.
I often see the same frustration from parties in mediation. Many begin the day convinced the other side is not serious about settling, judging only by the opening numbers. I move back and forth between rooms, but the offers and demands are not closing the gap quickly enough to match their expectations. Eventually, one side declares the mediation “fruitless” and threatens to leave. That is when I remind them of the realities of trial: if they walk away, costs will rise and the outcome will rest in the hands of twelve strangers. Would they rather choose their own resolution or leave it to a jury? More often than not, they stay, and the case eventually settles—just never as quickly as they hoped.
But what if we could change our relationship with waiting? What if the process of waiting could be considered valuable and productive?
Recently, my family and I visited a wonderful Korean BBQ restaurant on a slow evening, when there were more servers than guests. The wait staff could have easily grown bored waiting on a family determined to cook far more meat than common sense allowed. Instead, our staff took the opportunity to provide exceptional service. Side dishes were refilled the moment they ran low, our drinks were never empty, and the servers remained attentive, kind, and always nearby without being intrusive. We left feeling genuinely cared for by people who clearly took pride in their work.
What if waiting is not about waste or uncertainty, but about service and unseen progress? Defense counsel may not be sitting idly in the other room but carefully gathering medical records to secure additional settlement authority. Plaintiff’s counsel may not be fueling her client’s emotions but calming them and moving them toward a reasonable resolution. Waiting does not have to be wasted time. When approached with intention, waiting gives us time to think, reveals new information and adjusts our expectations.
Yes, my dad and I waited a long time at the clinic. During our waits, we talked, we laughed and we planned fun things for the future. It was a good wait.
