The Overwhelmed client (Pt. 2): How to calm anxiety
Last week, I wrote about how to spot the warning signs of an emotionally overwhelmed client.
Particularly, if you spend enough time with high conflict individuals, you will probably notice certain red flags, such as topics that easily upset them beyond what is normal, an obsessive fixation with the past, or a tendency to exhibit extreme feelings like anger, fear or sadness. Knowing what your clients value most in life will reveal much about their mental preparedness for mediation.
This week, I will address how to calm your client’s anxieties. While it’s not always clear why high conflict individuals are so easily overwhelmed, you can help realign and refocus your clients to be more productive and intentional in settlement negotiations.
Here are some simple but effective ways to ease your client’s unsettled state to prime the pathway for productive discussions:
Avoid certain topics: For highly sensitized people, the first goal is to maintain a neutral or positive mental state. Bill Eddy and Michael Lomax, authors of the book, “Mediating High Conflict Disputes,” suggest leading excessively worried clients away from preoccupation with past trauma as this tends to dig up a Pandora’s Box of unresolved hurts. A mediation is a poor substitute for formal counseling, and overemphasizing past trauma outside of a therapy session could escalate the very emotions you are trying to calm during mediation. Instead, help your client reflect on past pain in a way that focuses on the future and prevents fixation or unraveling. An effective mediator can also help you redirect the dialogue towards resolution.
Limit social media intake: Ample research suggests that spending too much time on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and the like, can lead to more feelings of loneliness, social anxiety and depression. Consider having your client drastically reduce their screentime in the days or even weeks before mediation. You may find them more rested, centered and alert as a result.
Use grounding language. “Grounding” refers to statements or phrases that bring a person’s attention back to the present moment, disrupting anxious thoughts and promoting a sense of calm. Asking your client questions about the weather, where they went to school, the funniest thing their pets did, the best vacation they ever took, etc., are great ways to bring them back to a hopeful and more productive frame of mind.
Take breaks and pace your conversations. Mediation can be long and intense. Anyone can be overwhelmed, but especially those who are already anxious. Having your client step out of the room for a bit, take a walk, get some coffee, listen to music and even meditate, can help tremendously to refocus the mind on the task at hand.
Redirect and reframe. During my initial few sessions with parties, I explore ways to meet their needs in the case. As they vent their frustrations to me, I typically redirect the conversation towards a path to generate options for settlement. I’ve also seen many excellent attorneys apply the same technique to lay the groundwork for compromise. All parties, not just high conflict ones, can benefit from this approach.
In summary, you can ease your client’s worries by choosing thoughtful words to pivot them away from negative thoughts, by encouraging them to take mental and physical breaks during mediation and by discussing topics that redirect them back to possible settlement options.
For my final discussion about helping overwhelmed clients, I will talk about ways to help an anxious client actively participate in mediation.
Until then, I wish you every success in mediation!
Priscilla T. Chan
President and Owner of Chan ADR
If you would like to schedule a mediation with Priscilla, please contact her Case Manager, Nikki Safavi at 206-653-9616 or by email at nikki@chanadr.com.
