The Overwhelmed client: How to spot the emotional warning signs
Your mediation begins as most do, laying out your side of the case, calmly and methodically. The parties are polarized, but your client has assured you that he wants closure. As the mediator discusses the issues – nothing that should come as a surprise – your client gets agitated. Like a spark on a dry summer day, a stray sentiment aggravates him, overriding reason. You try to calm him, but he seems convinced the other side is evil. In the next hours, he passionately rejects good, solid offers, one after the other.
What happened and how did the situation unravel?
Your client may have experienced “emotional flooding,” where the brain’s threat-awareness center simply takes over. The region of the brain that controls logic and impulse essentially goes off-line. The client may feel like the legal issue on the table is so vital that it presents a mortal threat even if the facts say otherwise. In short, he has temporarily lost the ability to meaningfully participate in mediation, where mental flexibility, emotional control and forward thinking are critical.
There is more to this concept than time permits, but in the mediation setting, emotional flooding is a potential barrier to resolution, especially to the unsuspecting party.
Fortunately, you can prepare your client for these often unexpected events. In fact, you have more than enough tools to help your client develop the emotional stamina for mediation.
One of the best resources in your client management toolkit is understanding what makes your clients tick. People with high conflict personalities such as those who are prone to “emotional flooding,” are usually more challenging to manage, as Bill Eddy and Michael Lomax say in their book, “Mediating High Conflict Disputes.”
For example, people with high conflict personalities tend to carry deep-seated psychological wounds that never healed. Most people come to terms with past trauma earlier on and become more reflective and resilient as a result. But according to Eddy and Lomax, many high conflict personalities never moved past the hurt, so they tend to relive the past, distracting them from the present and leaving little room for reason and logic to make strong, healthy decisions. They generally view others as responsible for solving their problems rather than seeing their own power and agency to affect their future well-being.
Fortunately, you don't need to be a mental health expert to determine your client's level of emotional stability. Some basic insight can help you gauge their mindset and how engaged they can be at mediation. Even if your client doesn't show the classic emotional triggers of high conflict individuals, it's still helpful to know whether past trauma could affect their ability to participate effectively in mediation.
Here are some issues to consider when exploring this area with your client:
Does your client view their lawsuit as life-defining – either the source of or the solution to all their problems? In other words, are their entire hopes hanging on this lawsuit?
Does your client ultimately want to pursue vengeance and punish the other side, or do they want a fair settlement and some peace of mind?
What defines your client’s self-worth? Is financial stability, physical comfort, and/or career achievement the core essence of their identity?
To what degree do they feel they have a voice and a choice to change or direct the outcome of the lawsuit and, for that matter, their own future? In other words, are they aware of their freedom of agency?
What role have you played in helping them assess their needs? Have you established a foundation as a trusted guide to help them make strong and healthy decisions?
You may have more questions already in your preparation process, but knowing how your client reacts when these facets of their lives are threatened will help you gauge their mental readiness.
As you gain insight into your client’s background, their strengths and vulnerabilities, you will be better prepared to help them participate more meaningfully in mediation.
In Part 2, I’ll discuss ways that you can calm their anxieties so they can make better and more healthy decisions in mediation.
Until then, I wish you every success in your mediations!
Priscilla T. Chan Mediator and President, Chan ADR
If you would like to schedule a mediation with Priscilla, please contact her Case Manager, Nikki Safavi at 206-653-9616 or by email at nikki@chanadr.com.
